A Site of Pure Fiction

Werebunnies!

Originally written circa 2001, exact date unknown

CREATION OF THE WEREBUNNY

The mad scientist, her hair frizzed at least a foot in every direction, rubbed her hands maniacally as she watched the pale yellow bubble float up to the surface of the hot red liquid. Tonight was the night. Years of research had finally paid off, and she was soon to realize her goal. Already, she was rehearsing the speech she would give when they gave her the Nobel Peace Prize.

As she stared at the strange brew before her, a hunched figure stirred from the shadows. A young man, his back bent and twisted, lurched toward the mad scientist. When he was finally beside her, he croaked, “Master!” The mad scientist, dreaming of a world at her feet, did not even hear him. The man cleared his throat, and in a much clearer voice, said again, “MASTER!”

Dr. Samantha Master shook herself from her daze. “What?!” she demanded, irritated from being stirred from her daydream.

“You got hypnotized by the lava lamp again.” he replied.

Dr. Master looked at the lava lamp sitting at her desk and laughed, “So I did. Thanks, Bob.” She glanced over to her assistant and whistled, “Wow. Did you pull your back out again?” Bob nodded mournfully. “Well, here, lets straighten you up.” Dr. Master put her fist against the small of Bob’s back as he straightened. His popping spine sounded like a machine gun, but at last he was able to stand.

“Thank you, Master,” he said.

Dr. Master patted him on the back, “No problem, Bob. Now, lets get to work!”

The two stood before the contraption that Dr. Master had built so many years ago. In the center of shiny red buttons, tubes, wires, flashing lights, and leather strapping (don’t ask), was a silver, egg-shaped container.

“Think of it, Bob,” she murmured, “every year, at Easter, parents give their children bunny rabbits. But the children almost never keep the poor bunnies. They either don’t take care of them, or they wind up selling them back to the pet shop. Its not fair. Just because a bunny isnt a traditional pet! How do we solve this dilemma, Bob?”

Bob opened his mouth to answer, but Dr. Master continued her ranting, “I tell you how, Bob! By making the bunny cuter! Well make the bunny so cute and fluffy that no child will be able to resist having one! The bunny will replace dogs and cats! Everyone will want a bunny! Everyone, I say!”

Bob watched as Dr. Master rubbed her hands together. “Uh, Master–aren’t bunny rabbits already really cute and fluffy?”

Dr. Masters eyes began to blink rapidly, and Bob watched as her face convulsed into three or four different expressions. This went on for a minute or so. Finally, she replied with, “Shut up, Bob!”

Bob lowered his head, “Sorry, Master.”

Dr. Master began punching buttons, and the contraption began to hum and vibrate. As she did so, Bob leaned in closer to Dr. Masters ear. “You know,” he said, “it’s a really nice night tonight. Theres even a full moon. How about after we finish with the experiment, you and I go out to Lookout Point?”

Dr. Master, not really paying attention to Bob, grunted out her reply, “Uh, yeah, sure, whatever.”

Bob continued, “Great! Then after that, let’s elope. I want you to have my children.”

Dr. Master, oblivious, nodded her head, “Sounds good, Bob. Put that on my calendar, will you?” Just then, the seal broke open on the container.

“This is it!” Dr. Master cried, “My moment of glory!” Bob and Dr. Master stared as the lid raised.

Bob gasped. “Oh, my God!” he shouted as he looked inside, “It worked, Master!”

Dr. Master was laughing as any good mad scientist should, “Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

The rabbit was truly the most irresistibly adorable bunny that ever existed. It’s long silken ears lay luxuriously against the rabbit’s thick, soft fur. They watched as the bunny looked up at them with its huge liquid eyes. Bob, unable to resist himself, reached into the container to pet the lovely creature. “Wait!” shouted Dr. Master as she grabbed Bob’s hand.

Startled, Bob asked her, “What is it, Master? Whats wrong?”

Dr. Master smiled, “I get to pet it first! Its my experiment.” Bob, rolling his eyes, snatched his hand away. Dr. Master began to reach inside the container to pick up the bunny. Just as she did, the bunny began to transform.

The bunny’s huge eyes began to narrow to evil slits. Its delicate little nose grew longer, larger, and its soft and fluffy hair began to bristle and tangle. The now menacing bunny opened its mouth to reveal sharp, pointy teeth. Growling, the bunny prepared to leap out from the container…

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